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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Advice to young men...

If you find a good woman, marry her. Don't keep her in "girlfriend" status for years. Marry her, buy a house, plant some trees, watch things grow.

If you're not going to marry the girl you're with, part company as friends and find the one you are going to marry. If you want to play the field for a few years, fine, but if you spent a year with a girl without giving her a ring, you're freeloading. Either marry her or move on. I know way too many young men who have no interest in marrying their current girlfriend, but every month they face the decision to waste another month of their life or give up the "benefits" and maybe do without "benefits" for a while. It's scary and just bad not to have a serious deep relationship, but if you're just in one for "benefits" and not for love, part company as friends and find someone who genuinely, truly, deeply, fall in love with.

Now, to those of you young men who pop the question and get engaged. I have this advice from my highly successful 30 years of marriage. DO WHAT SHE SAYS. It hurts less than arguing and she's probably right anyway. Women take a longer view, so let them steer the boat. Set aside an hour for a serious talk about once a month. Find out what's bothering her and what you can do to fix it. Let her know what's bothering you and work out ways she can fix it. Don't spend years being silently resentful of your spouse's bad habits. Get them into the clear air and make things better. Women want (in a husband) a companion and partner. They don't want to do all of the errands and shopping alone. Go with them, or split the list into three parts (yours, hers, and the ones you do together). Swap chores now and then just for variety and fairness.