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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

MY LIFE IN MY HANDS

STEVE COLE REPORTS; The eight-foot fence around my back yard has three feet of sheet metal around the top of it, mounted on custom-made brackets. This is to keep Isis and Ramses home when they use the cat door to enjoy the back yard. I'm all for fresh air and exercise (for the Bengal Cats anyway) but I don't want them fighting other cats, hit by cars, stolen by evil people, or anything else.

The wind in this part of Texas is pretty bad. Twenty miles an hour is regarded as a relatively calm day. Forty miles an hour isn't something anyone would mention in conversation. Fifty miles an hour is a stiff wind, but to actually come up in dinner table conversation, it has to hit sixty miles per hour, which it does at least once a
month. That much wind plays heck with everything, from the fence to the siding on the house. My fence stays up only because it has metal poles in concrete and bolted cross-bar stringers. The sheet metal at the top, however, takes a beating, and is often torn loose, or torn in half. That in turn creates problems with the Bengal Cats going walkabout.

Recently, a metal panel literally tore in half and I had to go reinforce it and screw the pieces back to the stronger frame. (When I get a whole weekend off, I'll need to replace the metal panel.) As I am old and fat and get no exercise, I cleverly hired a handyman to come and fix it, but due to the upcoming trade show, the wandering eyes of the Bengal Cats, and the weather report which showed only one calm day this week, it had to be done Monday, and the handyman failed to show up, which left me to do this by myself. In my younger years (ten years ago) it would have been easy. When I built the Bengal Barrier five years ago, it would have been doable. Now, it's bad, really bad.

First step was to get the drill so I could remove the boards holding the door of the storage building closed. (The door broke in a 70 mph wind two years ago and I have never had time to fix it. The handyman was supposed to do that after we fixed the fence.) Oops, problem number one. Drill battery had not been charged and was low on power, but it got the job done. (Lesson #1: the morning before a planned evening project, make sure the batteries are charging.) This let me get the ladder out of the shed. Next step was to cut the boards on the angle mounts to allow me to add a crossbar at the top. Oops, problem number two. Charger for power saw battery is not working. (See Lesson #1.) Must remember to look into this. Anyway, got the old cord-powered drill and up the ladder I go, into the face of a 30 mph wind. Standing too high on the ladder I have to reach over two feet to hold the saw backwards (forwards, it won't fit) and cut the boards. That puts a lot of torque and every time I hit the button to power the saw, the force of the blade rocked the ladder. No matter; it has to be done. Leanna braced the ladder and I got it done, then moved the ladder and cut the other one. Which sounds like one short sentence but was about 20 minutes of moving and climbing and finding something to hold onto in a steadily increasing wind.

Now, I have to put in the top rail (part of the original design five years ago, but never installed because I ran out of time). To do this, I have to drill holes in the rail for the screws, and the drill battery is dying fast. Got two holes drilled, drove in the screws, moved the ladder, and the drill died before it could drill the last two holes. After a 15-minute sit-down, I went after the old cord-powered drill which I got as a wedding present from my father 30 years ago. Being that old, it uses a "chuck key" which took half an hour to find. (Lesson #2, don't lose key parts.) Having found it, I drilled the holes, then swapped the drill bit for a screwdriver
bit. Now, I was on the inside of the fence, which meant that the ladder wasn't braced on anything (due to the overhang of the metal) and the ladder (and I) wobbled a lot. Since 30-year-old drills don't have speed-controls, every time I drove a screw down it would literally have enough force to knock over the ladder. Which was kind of dangerous considering that my wrists were about two inches from razor sharp sheet metal.

Next step was to take a nail and punch some holes in the sheet metal for screws. It's getting dark and the wind is now over 30mph and the razor-sharp torn metal (still fastened at the bottom) is flopping like a flag in the breeze). How do you do this? VERY carefully. I had three torn sections of sheet metal, each about 2x3 feet, and had to bend each one into place, punch holes, then drive screws through the holes into the newly-installed rails. I drove the last screw down (barely avoiding a serious fall when the torque tried to throw the ladder and me over) as the last rays of sunlight disappeared. I felt glad it was done, but the fence is still going to be a problem as every time we get a high wind, I lose another piece of sheet metal and have to (somehow) get it back into place without cutting myself. Makes me wish my transfer to duty in Iraq (which is much safer) had gone through.